Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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