now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's on the porch naked. Help.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
