my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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