Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
