I cannot find my penis.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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