How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
