i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
