jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Are we still banned from the library?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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