Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
