So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
