Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
