i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
