No awkward lesbian experiences without me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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