Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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