She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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