Swine flu is the new snow day.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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