I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
