No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
