Your mouth is God's brothel.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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