Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
