she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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