Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
