Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
