Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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