I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have fence marks all over my body
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
