someone threw a dead crab at me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
