Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
