I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
