he wants to bone in the snuggie
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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