do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
