yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
