wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Girls should come with a carfax report
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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