he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
