you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
