Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
