Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
