Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
