no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
