I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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