I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
