im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
