My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
