I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
