i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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