so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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