It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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