You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
