its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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