Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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