New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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