My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
