Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
