I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
