I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
