I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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