im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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