i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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