Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
