Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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