Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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