If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
